Before you start rolling your eyes, and talking about how you can't believe I would post such a picture of myself...let me remind you...
DUCK LIPS ARE STILL NOT ATTACTIVE.
Go fix your profile pic, then roll your eyes at me. I don't care...whack hair, don't care. Sticks and stones, all that jazz...
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2/20/15
Random thought as I sit in the waiting room, Dicky on the endoscopy table. I could freely pass gas in here and most people wouldn't say a word, because they've all been on the dulcolax mag citrate diet for the last 24 hours. Their noses are self-scalded and would never even smell me!
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I didn't test previously mentioned theory, in case you are wondering.
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3.3.15
So I have a question...and really want a serious answer. Why can some women be complete bitches, people still love them, and they can sleep at night? While I, on the other hand, embrace and let out the inner bitch, and I don't sleep, can't forget it and feel like a complete jerk.
That's just completely not fair.
The initial shock is over since losing my Pister, I'm back at work, trying to get back in the groove and "life goes on" and all that jazz. But I feel like such a sour puss!! Someone asked me today how I'm doing...my reply, "Just peachy." "Actually more persimmony, but fruity just the same."
I've picked at least three fights in the last 24 hours. Actually had a fourth that wanted to argue and I didn't give in. (Yay me. Whatever.) I picked them...I could have just kept my big old mouth (or typing and writing hands, rather) shut. I probably should have. But some people just have it coming!
The pettiest of which, but the incident that makes me maddest...someone stole the candy from my mother's birthday card. A stinking candy bar! I've never been in an actual physical fight (except that one time in Jr High with Derek Dunn! LOL I'll tell you another time). But if I could find out who did it, I think I could really do some damage to those teeth that I hope rot out.
See...now wasn't that a horrible thing to say?
If it didn't prove my point exactly, I'd delete it now.
Now, I can't get it or the other mads out of my mind. Why did I feel the need to be ugly? And why do some of you get to be total bitches whenever you want, and I can't.
I hope that doesn't offend you whom the shoe fits. :) It wouldn't me. I'm actually jealous.
But since this being a hag business isn't working out quite like I've intended, I'm going to try to make a better effort to keep my opinions to myself.
And quit cussing. I've really, really said a lot of cuss words the last week. Just like this post...how many times have I said "bitch".
Bitch. Bitch. Bitch...there...now that's three more added to that number.
Bitch. Bitch. Let's make it an even five.
| And you know wha t? She's a TOTAL bitch and I don't even like her! |
You know what I want to be? You know, since the bitch thing isn't working out.
A mermaid.
Mermaids get to swim around in the quiet water all day. They always have pretty hair, and have those crazy cool tails. They get to be friends with the Octopus, which would be totally cool. Because next to a mermaid, I think an Octopus would be an awesome thing to be. (You know the sucker hands and all...not to mention they have eight of them and I could do some major crafting with eight arms.)
You know what else? Mermaids don't have to wear a bra. They just go all free flowing all day and no one even mentions it! And they are not fat. Have you ever seen a fat mermaid? I mean an actual mermaid that was fat. Not just a fake picture that you find on the internet. (Mermaids ARE real you know. Just ask Kerry Dixon. Pattie, if you are reading this...please ask him to chime in with his expertise anytime.)
And best of all...they are nice!
I know that because look at them. They just look kind. So serene and peaceful. You can't float around in the water all day and be in a bad mood. That would make you a crab. Have you ever seen how a crab walks? Crabby, that's how. A mermaid glides. I want to glide.
Oh yeah...and they sing really, really pretty! I want to sing really, really pretty. But I'd have to be a mermaid to be able to sing like one. When Ariel had legs, she couldn't even speak. That would be horrible!!
OH. YEAH...I meant to tell you. Since we are talking about singing.
Dicky is mean. Just cruel and mean. And rude. To me. His wife.
So we go to Lubbock so he can have his colonoscopy, you know, since he is now FIFTY YEARS OLD, and all.
He drives up there, but of course I'm to drive him home.
Everything goes great, by the way. We made it to Lubbock without any major "accidents", if you know what I mean! LOL And the procedure was fine, as were the results.
So we get in the car to come home. I did make two stops, but he stayed in the car and rested. I'm so good to him. Then we head home.
He's reclined back in the passenger seat, resting his eyes and I'm thinking quality sharing time, right? He always fusses because, as he puts it "my nose is always stuck to that (blankedy-blak) phone anytime we travel.
I really had a lot on my mind. So we talked. I talked, I should say, because I had more things to say than he did. But he did, umm hum, a few times.
And it was a really good radio day, so I did a little singing as well. He is really the only person that honestly enjoys my singing.
Then. Out of the blue. He just says, "Would you just shut the "blank" up?"
I'm just flabbergasted! We were having a perfectly good conversation and he just up and rudely tells me to be quiet!
Claims he was trying to sleep or something. Really...could you really sleep with all this conversation going on? He wasn't trying to sleep.
So I told him fine! If he didn't want me to talk, then I would just sing. I said, "I'm in a good mood and I've got to let it out. So what do you want...talking, or singing?"
Do you know what he answered? Seriously...you will be floored.
"What I want, is for you to speed this car up and get the "blank" home."
I still can't believe it...Yall don't know how mean he is...he is just plain ole mean. Like a coon dog. No reason.
There...I told you I was going to tell on you Dicky. You old coon dog!
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Love you all bunches!!
I like your writing style. Is it a style? LOL. But really, sounds like Dicky was mean. That is not the Dicky I remember. Maybe he needed a Snickers.
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